Thanks to Marketing News for this one.
Apparently, KFC is having to rethink its strategy of becoming a global player in the takeaway breakfasts market. Its first foray into the market entailed a pilot group of outlets opening at 6am. Are there any students and pramfaces awake at that time of day? Presumably KFC thought that those who were awake would be so busy watching re-runs of the Jeremy Kyle Show and Britain’s Got Talent that they wouldn’t have time to make Chardonnay and Wayne breakfast, so would be roaming the streets looking for deep-fried food.
So, they have revised their menu and shifted the opening time to 7:30am. Will it work?
Well, the fat & deluded won’t be leaving home before GMTV ends, for fear of missing Cheggers rocking up with a cheque for £10,000 or their chance to enter that competition to win £10,000 of tat (although if they do, their winnings will count for means-tested so they’ll lose benefits…still want to pay £1/minute to press A; ‘my jogging bottoms are made of nylon’?).
Our advice would be leave the takeaway breakfast market to the existing participants, as Maccy Ds, Costa and countless other coffee shops and cafes have already worked out what people want first thing, i.e. not a Bargain Bucket or an AM Twister.
‘Mum’s night off’ – no, she’s still in bed with that bloke she pulled last night down at the Yates Wine Lodge (twinned with Harare and Gaza).
Alternatively, if they do want to attract those KFC-acolytes who will relish (although they prefer mayo) the opportunity to consume deep fried chicken products before breakfast, rather than as breakfast, how about a loyalty card scheme?
Crispy Strips - 10 points.
Super greasy box - 30 points.
Towerblock burger - 45 points.
Bargain Bucket - 80 points.
Points are redeemable at the following outlets;
Greggs, Elizabeth Duke, Big Bore Exhausts For Your Chavmobile, Sports Direct, Katie Price and Home Pregnancy Testing Kits R Us.
None of which open before 9am, so tough.
